Project 289 - Day 40 (Sunday 26 April, 2009): Why Won't the Vlarken Slide Easily into the Mooken?! Why?!

That is an eternal question posed above, and one that sadly I believe has no satisfactory answer.

But enough of the existential swearing-laden responses to putting together Scandinavian furniture, which I am fairly certain is all designed by the same sadists who creates most software programmes, and electronics manuals. I picture a giant factory somewhere, crammed with row upon row of pathological misfits, all scheming to create the most frustrating, annoying and ultimately, rage-inducing consumer items. Their only satisfaction in their tortured love-deprived existence is knowing that somewhere, someone like me is cursing and swearing and wondering what on earth the designer of the happy little instruction for assemblage booklet was thinking.... not happy Disney fairy dust-sprinkled thoughts I am fairly certain!



Of course sometimes in the middle of all the foot stomping, hammer slamming, and obscene language, comes a rare moment of humour, such as the snapshot below, which wisely instructs you not to use your bookcase as a training prop for your upcoming rock climbing expedition to the Swiss Alps. Duly noted, IKEA, and thank you for the sage advice.....

It seems though, that I must be a complete masochist because once again I purchased an IKEA item (yesterday's blog entry) - a fabulously bright red bookcase called a LACK, which is being used in my walk in wardrobe for storage, a use IKEA probably didn't think of when the featured the LACK in a funky apartment lounge room - and spent an enjoyable hour assembling. Enjoyable if you find hot skewers thrust sharply into your eyes a pleasure. If so, then assembling this furniture is your ticket to sensual ecstasy. Hop aboard and ride the pain train people! I get no such pleasure from these occasional forays into masochism land, but I did get the satisfaction of getting all the various bits of red wood into a useable shape that vaguely approximates the completed product on the manual.

Honestly given how badly the instructions are rendered in visual form - I think a team of illiterate armidillos on a ranch in South America are forced to create them in an act that the RSPCA should really investigate - it's a wonder I end up with the item looking like furniture. Many times I have thought I should keep the pieces as kindling and at least be warm in the Winter!