What Pets Write in Their Diaries

This is an old but a goodie.....

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are

fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what

a 'good little hunter' I am.

Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight..
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my

tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly..
I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,

so he is safe. For now..............