Hands Full of Glitter and Tofu : 2011 Day 110 - Thoughts

I don't like work any more.

No, not work per se although that would hardly be a news flash now would it? No, what I don't like any more is working in the area I am working in, which until recently I did like (soured by a recent massive run through with a woman in the area), doing the job I am doing, and thinking endlessly about where else I could go to. My problem? I don't like the corporate world. Never have done, and never will, which is likely while I am so attracted to the Dilbert cartoon and it's hilariously sedatious, and truthful, take on corporate life. I know it's drilled into you to be sensible, and adult, and hold a normal job, but frankly what I really want to do, with an increasing urgency that explains my lack of passion for pursuing a corporate job of any kind, is WRITE. be a novelist. Be creative.

Now, I don't think for a second that should I achieve this goal, and I really need to pull out all the stops to make it happen, that my life will then be an endless gravy train of nirvana-like fabulousness, but at least I will be doing something that is truly authentically me. Perhaps I am having a horribly cliched mid-life crisis - which by the way make perfect sense to me now; it's not the sense that life is screaming past though it is, but that you are living a lie that is slowly killing you and you need to do something to be real and be who you are, something I started years ago very successfully by coming out as a gay man but which needs to continue - but the reality is it's not me being ridiculously unrealistic or self-indulgent, but rather needing to live a life that makes sense to me, and matters.

Right now, it all feels like a big fat waste of time, and I hate that....