Mauled at the mall

I have had a lovely weekend......

Yes a thrilling statement isn't it? It speaks of daring adventure, risk, and a total disregard for my own personal safety.... actually, no.... no it doesn't.... BUT, and it's a capitalized 'BUT' because who doesn't like a melodramatic linguistic segue between sentences.... well calm people in zen-like states, and people on Prozac, but the rest of us love it.... anyway I digress, ramble, and b.s. on steroids.... I did indeed have a lovely weekend... some reading and chilling, dinner with my friend Peter on Friday night at a great Turkish restaurant, a date with a lovely man I am seeing on Saturday night...and then.... and then.... and I can barely type the words so traumatized am I... I went SHOPPING (Cue the overly ominous music that indicates imminent doom, apocalypse, and a bad hair day of epic proportions)..... 

Actually the shopping itself was fine and dandy.... some groceries, toiletries, Christmas ornaments, L'Occitane stuff (yes I pay close attention to my personal care regimen), and lunch with my very good friend, Fahmi..... then on the way out, feeling fit, healthy and good about myself (I had swam 1.2 km that morning so was still coasting on the whispers of endorphins past) when an Israeli brother and sister tried to interest me in their cosmetics range.... they did this by smearing mud supposedly from the floor of the Dead Sea (yes, and my cow Eunice wrote an award winning screenplay in between chewing her cud) on my hand, buttery stuff on my eyes and talking earnestly about how much.... and yes I think there were tears in his eyes.... how very deeply he wanted to see me rid of the blackheads, wrinkles and unsightly blemishes that scarred my.....and wait for this 48 year old face!!!! Fahmi just about doubled over with laughter as my face dropped, and all hopes of a sale faded like John McCain's good humour around Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin.... I don't respond well to high pressure sales techniques at the best of times but any glimmer of me caving to their high pressure mud-caked sales technique vanished so quickly that several people got whiplash watching it depart..... 

Needless to say the good people at Nivea will continue to get my business, and their product will keep being applied to my 42 year old face, which I am often told, and hear this Israeli siblings  peddling cosmetics of dubious origin, looks a decade younger..... and my suggestion to the would-be cosmetics czar at the mall? Always go younger..... always..... now where did I leave my avocado citrus apple guava pith face mask?