Someone stole my life and I want it back!

If only it were that dramatic...in truth, I am living the sort of life that I hope will win me all sorts of "Wow he's so dedicated to his art" bylines when the Novel That Rules My Life is sitting at the top of the New York Times bestseller list for the 20th week in a row, and people are wishing that another book, any other book such as "The History of Concreting in Latvia" (a solid read if ever there was one) or "When Ferrets Ruled the World", would sell more copies......yes, all I have right now are my ever present fantasies as I keep getting up at 3 a.m. to write for an hour and a half before going powerwalking for one hour through very dark streets, all the time hoping that I only suffer for my art, and not my commitment to exercising....so far I have not acquired a stalker and my iPod and I have been left in peace....I can't help thinking though that a stalker could provide untold health benefits, spurring me to walk faster and faster especially past the Police station....naturally we would have an unspoken stalker/stalkee bond where he/she only agreed to view me from afar from behind street lights - they would have to be an anorexic stalker to accomplish that - and did not under any circumstances feel the need to pray with me/marry me/do macrame with me....I am not entirely sure you can trust a stalker to agree to those kind of terms, but I will just remind them that if I am crazy enough to get up at 3 a.m. to type words into my PC, then I am crazy enough to do just about anything.....

One highlight of my thrilling and endlessly exciting life was winning a massive near inter-galactic in proportions trivia contest in Cronulla last Friday night, along with 7 other people including good friends, Andrew, Ellen & Tracy....OK I may have lied a little about the size of said contest - no actual aliens turned up so it was more earthbound in scope, I suppose but, and I cannot say this enough, WE WON! Not only did we win, beating 15 other tables of people, but we had two perfect rounds of 10/10, which I think is pretty much about the only time I have ever got remotely close to perfection in my life (its all downhill from here baby!), despite my attempts to perfect score in gymnastics.....that goal was severely hampered from being realised by my failure to actually take up gymnastics....for my troubles I won 2 free movie passes, along with a share in a massive box of chocolates, partway through the night, which I think may have contributed to our eventual victory, given how hopped up on sugar, caffeine and artificial colours & flavours we ended up......and if it didn't egg on our neurones and synpases to great eternal glory, it meant we did a one hell of a kick ass victory dance.....I mean we were very humble and didn't overdo it all....no, I'm fairly sure we hollered and screamed and made damn sure that everyone knew we were happy to have won......in my defense, to those who think we got carried away, may I just say it was the chocolate talking......really...nah kidding......